


Damn you and your words and the love I bear for you.

by JustPrettyGay



Series: Little trans boy Anakin [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Blow Jobs, Demisexual Obi-Wan, Demisexuality, M/M, Obi-Wan is a virgin, Obi-Wan is sure this isn't what Jedis should do, Smut, Trans Male Character, Trans!Anakin, awkward talking and bad flirting skills?, but for once he doesn't care about the Code, but if you're just here for the smut better leave again because it's more like fluff the most time, no detailed desciption though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:32:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6893932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustPrettyGay/pseuds/JustPrettyGay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan and Anakin have landed on a sandy planet. Anakin does not like it there. He does like his master though. And kissing him might not have been the worst idea he ever had.</p><p>or</p><p>The fluffy smut including a demisexual virgin and a trans boy in love that turned out to be more talking and thinking than actual doing nobody asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damn you and your words and the love I bear for you.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say I'm sorry for writing this, but I just really am not. (Also, I don't believe in the concept of virginity, but it sounded good in the summery, so there we go...)
> 
> Thanks to foldzworld on tumblr for beta'ing! 
> 
> Critics, comments in general and kudos give me live, so I'd be happy if you left some of these (but only if you liked my work, of course)! 
> 
> And now go on and read this, I hope it isn't that bad.
> 
> Read it on tumblr: http://gayspacehippie.tumblr.com/post/144564453249/damn-you-and-your-words-and-the-love-i-bear-for

It was a beautiful night. No cloud could be seen and the stars shone bright and clear. The water glittered in their light, and the air was warm and calm.

At a beach nearby Anakin and Obi-Wan were sitting on the sand around a small fire, their spaceship stood in the shadows of a small ancient forest. They had landed on this small planet because something was wrong with the ship, and Obi-Wan had found it would be a good idea to stay there overnight. Anakin, on the other hand, was protesting.

“I hate sand”, he stated again, Obi-Wan couldn't say how many times he’d said that; he'd lost count after the seventh.

“I know, Anakin, and I'm not going to tell you again, that, as a Jedi, you shouldn't let it bother you.”  
They both stared at the fire in silence. Well – Obi-Wan did. Anakin was pretending to do, but his eyes were fixed on his master, and Obi-Wan pretended he didn't notice.  
The look made him feel uncomfortable; it was an intensive, wanting look, a look he never liked being given, and a look he rather would not have been given by his padawan.

“It gets everywhere, you know? I hate how it feels. It reminds me of Tatooine. I don't want to be reminded of Tatooine.”

Obi-Wan hadn't asked for that information, and he'd say he didn't care about it if anyone asked him. And as he looked across at Anakin's face, all he saw were blue eyes filled with a dark blur of emotion he couldn't recognise for he'd never felt anything like it before. Yet he knew it was directed at him and that made him feel wrong. He looked deeper and despair was reflected back from the storm in Anakin's eyes. This was an emotion he could understand all too well, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but _care._

“Come here, then”, he murmured, as he stripped off his cloak and laid it next to him onto the sand.  
Why am I even doing this? he thought. At least he can't look at me while he sits next to me.  
But sitting next to Anakin was even worse than being looked at by him, for the young man seemed to need body contact, much body contact, too much for Obi-Wan to handle or understand.

First, Anakin just sat there, a bit too close maybe, their shoulders almost touching; close enough to feel each other’s heat. Soon their shoulders were not almost but slightly touching, and soon after that Anakin had laid an arm around Obi-Wan, pulling him closer, and chuckling quietly as he noticed once again that he was taller than his master.

And then he'd kissed him.  
Anakin had kissed Obi-Wan.  
It was a shy, careful kiss, lips touching soft and warm breath against each other.

Obi-Wan couldn't move first, he wanted to pull away, but for a moment, he lost control and couldn't do anything but just let it happen. He had never kissed anyone before.

Anakin pulled away soon enough as he noticed his master wouldn't kiss back, mumbling a 'sorry' before he stared into the fire.

“Why have you done this? You... You shouldn't. It's uncivilised, and ridiculous, and not what a Jedi should do, and...” Obi-Wan stuttered helplessly. Anakin's actions didn’t make sense to him; he just couldn't understand what was happening at that moment. Or the moment before. Or the moment before that moment.  
He couldn't understand anything.

A small chuckle escaped Anakin's mouth. Only Obi-Wan would call an innocent kiss uncivilised.

“Because you are beautiful, master”, he said then, as if it would explain everything. Obi-Wan was only even more confused now.  
Or he wasn't.  
He couldn't tell.

“May I... May I kiss you again?” a soft voice asked, carefully.

“Why?” Obi-Wan answered.

“Because I love you.” His voice still soft, but stronger this time and he couldn't deny it had feeling behind it. 

“But... You shouldn't, Anakin. You can't – The Jedi Code -”, Obi-Wan stuttered. He knew it was true. Deep down in his heart, something told him he loved his apprentice as well. He just didn't want to listen – He wasn't allowed to listen.

“The Jedi are honourable people, but they will never shut my heart. Love is something good, Obi-Wan, and I don't want them to take it away.”

Anakin never called him by his name. But now he did, and there was so much love in it, so much feeling, it made Obi-Wan shiver.

“Don't let them.” He knew he was supposed to tell Anakin to forget his feelings, he knew he shouldn't reinforce Anakin in his opinion, he knew. And yet he could not bring himself to do so, he could not stop himself from saying these words.  
Because he knew that Anakin would never be happy without love, without his loved ones, that he would break if someone took it away from him. _I don't want you to become the sad and broken man I am._

“I won't, master.” If Anakin was surprised by Obi-Wan's reaction, he did not show it.

“Good”, the Jedi knight mumbled in his beard, not sure what else there was to say.

“May I kiss you now?”

Obi-Wan did not answer. He wanted to, but he did not know which answer was the right one. His mind screamed no, and his body said stop, and his Jedi's soul told him to stay cold, but the very bit of his heart after being hidden for so long jumped at the chance for love, and love was it Anakin wanted to give him.

“Forget about the Jedi code. What does your heart tell you to do?”

Damn, Anakin, Obi-Wan thought as he nodded slightly, a fast “Do as you will” escaping his lips. _Damn you and your words and the love I bear for you._

Warm lips pressed against him softly; it was exactly like the last kiss, just that it lasted longer this time, and Obi-Wan wasn't so unprepared.

He still didn't know what to do, though. He had seen people kissing, but he wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to do, and if he even wanted things to get more... passionate.

Anakin pulled away a bit, only far enough to look in his master's blue eyes, noses almost touching. His left hand took Obi-Wan's, and a swift smile hushed over his face, only staying for a moment, before he asked, both amused and curious: “Have you ever kissed someone before?”

He did not receive an answer.

“Oh, how sweet, old Obi-Wan has never been kissed!”, he chuckled, his eyes bright both from the thought of how innocent his master was and him being the first one ever to kiss this lips.

“I never really... felt the urge to be sexually involved with anyone, even if it was just a kiss”, the man told his apprentice, trying to not look into the bright blue in front of him, which was difficult for Anakin was still really close.

“I'm still not sure if I like it”, he went on, honestly. _You may have made me accept that I love you for the very time of this night, but I won't act like I feel good when you touch me just so you can be happy._

“Oh.” Anakin seemed to be surprised by that information, and took back his hand, bringing a bit more distance between their faces. “Shall I stop?”

“No... No, it's fine”, Obi-Wan answered after a moment of silence. “Just go slow.”

“Thank you, master”, Anakin answered smiling, the ice blue of his eyes near to Obi-Wan's again, his hand finding back its way to his master's, and his warm breath reaching the Jedi's mouth.  
“Just stop me whenever you feel uncomfortable.”

And then their lips met again, but what had been a soft and innocent meeting the times before, had now become a possessive, longing pressure that made Obi-Wan gasp in surprise, and before he even knew what was happening, a tongue found its way into his mouth.

It touched Obi-Wan's own playfully, but after a second it left again, leaving a trail of saliva tasting of something that could only be described as Anakin on his lips.

“Was this too fast, master?”, a sweet voice asked, concerned and teasing at the same time. Obi-Wan did not like that tone, but he didn't bother telling Anakin.

“Yes”, he just answered instead, and it wasn't difficult to see how uneasy he felt. “Could you please, uhm, could you just give me some time to get used to this?”

Even if it was dark, Anakin could have sworn his master was blushing at these words.  
“I could. Just tell me when you're okay with being touched again”, Anakin said, and his fingers slowly ran over his master's hand. Maybe Anakin wanted to calm Obi-Wan, show him that everything was going to be okay, but it just made the Jedi's heart flatter, and nothing was okay at all. Nor was he calm.  
If Anakin noticed it, he did not show.

“I want to touch you, master. I don't want to wait any longer, please let me touch you.”

 _This is the Anakin I know_ , Obi-Wan though, _always so passionate and impatient. This is the Anakin I fell in love with._

“I... Okay, Anakin”, he sighed and closed his eyes as if he prepared for a pain he knew he must go through. He was aware that it wouldn't be painful, and he was aware that he could stop this at anytime. He was aware this was completely voluntary, and nothing that could be forced. He was aware without him opening up to Anakin there was no point in doing this, and he was aware that Anakin did not want him to feel uncomfortable but pleasantly good.  
And still - Still there was a strange kind of fear, a fear he had never felt before.

 _I'm a brave man_ , he told himself. _I'm brave and I'll manage to forget my fear._ Only that he didn't feel brave at all, despite what everyone else might have said.

“You're sure this is okay?”, Anakin asked, and this time, there was not a bit of tease in his voice, only worry and... doubt. Did he doubt his own actions or doubt Obi-Wan's words?

“I'm... Yes, I am. I just don't know what to expect, and I may not be sure if I can handle this situation. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do?”, he tried to explain, and felt so stupid as the words left his mouth.

“Ah, you don't have to worry about that. Just relax and let me. Touch me whenever you feel like it and wherever you want, and tell me when you feel uncomfortable with what I'm doing. I won't hurt you, Obi-Wan. I just want you to know how much I love you.”

Obi-Wan closed his eyes again, took in a breath and slowly let it out. Anakin's words had moved something inside him. He opened his eyes again, and as he looked into the face of the boy in front of him, he couldn't help but feel save. The bit of fear remaining in his heart was forgotten, hidden by love.

“Okay, uhm. Go on, Anakin”, he told his apprentice, who just smiled at these words, while coming closer again.

“I've been waiting for this for so long, I can't believe it's actually happening”, Anakin whispered into Obi-Wan's beard, before pressing their lips together, passionate and longing again, but the older man wouldn't open his mouth this time, for he knew what he had had to expect, and it didn't surprise him anymore. The feeling of his apprentice's soft lips was still overwhelming. Making his heart beat faster, and his skin heat up. But there was no fear nor unease, only passion and the urge for more grew stronger.

Anakin moved while crushing his lips against his master's, he laid a hand on Obi-Wan's neck and pulled him closer, while slowly shifting over to sit down on his lap, legs swung around the Jedi's waist. Anakin was even taller this way, causing Obi-Wan to lay back his head, but he liked it anyway.

Obi-Wan still wasn't sure where to put his hands.  
Anakin's had found their place on his neck and on his chest in the meanwhile, but he didn't know what to do with his own. Anakin had told him to touch him when and where ever he wanted. So from a certain point of view he was allowed to do whatever came to his mind.  
Should he put them around Anakin's waist, and press his padawan's thighs against his stomach? Or should he pull Anakin closer by laying them around his neck, just like it was done to him? Should he grab Anakin's ass? Anakin's tightly bound chest?

He was so unsure. He didn't even know whether Anakin's words were to be trusted. He had suffered gender dysphoria very strong, and for quite some time, had suffered it recently still. So was it really okay to-

“Touch me, master.” A whisper against his lips stopped his thoughts, and he opened his eyes to look up into a lightly flushed, oh so pretty face. “Please.”

“Obi-Wan”, Obi-Wan mumbled, as he finally got to moving his hands (slowly and still not sure what exactly to do, but at least doing something) and carefully placed them on Anakin's hips. “Call me Obi-Wan.”

“As you wish, Obi-Wan.” His name on Anakin's tongue made his heart jump.

Then lips met once again, needy pressing against each other, moving appetently, sucking and biting hungrily at the sweet flesh.

Well, the biting, sucking and moving was mostly Anakin's doing, while Obi-Wan tried his best to do what he thought he was supposed to do. And he wasn't doing that bad actually, he was just too shy to go further than responding to Anakin's action.  
Too overwhelmed by the feeling Anakin's lips and hands and legs and pretty much everything touching him caused.

After awhile Obi-Wan's thin lips were swollen and red, and some blood dripped out where Anakin had bitten him, but he didn't mind.  
He didn't mind at all.

“You don't seem to ever start touching me, Obi-Wan”, an almost lecturing voice stated as they parted to breathe. “Maybe I have to show you how this is done.”

Something in Obi-Wan told him he should show Anakin his place instead.  
But he really didn't care about what his pride said at this moment. Obi-Wan's pride was gone by the very moment he had let Anakin kiss him.

So he just nodded, encouraging Anakin to go on.

Anakin's hands left their place and went to hold Obi-Wan's face instead, long fingers touching each of his cheeks, running through scratchy copper hair.

“First, we should get rid of these annoying clothes of yours”, he whispered, and his hands moved down to open his master's belt. Slowly running up again they tugged at the layers of rough fabric, pulling away each layer of the traditional Jedi garb until Obi-Wan was sitting there with nothing on but his trousers and boots.

He twitched a bit as Anakin let his eyes run over his body, staring hungrily and admiring. “You are beautiful, did anyone ever told you that?”

“No.”

Why would anybody? Most people he knew only saw a Jedi and a hero in him. Some saw a friend.  
Qui-Gon... Well, maybe he was more than a friend to him – he definitely was closer to him than anyone until Anakin came into his life – but he always thought that was because of their shared master and padawan bond.  
And even if their relationship was more than just training bonds, Qui-Gon never told him he was beautiful. Especially not in the way Anakin just did.

“Then everyone has to be blind”, Anakin whispered surprised after a short moment in which he probably wondered how nobody ever noticed.

He then kissed Obi-Wan, it was an uncoordinated and wet but wonderful kiss nonetheless, and his hands travelled over the bare chest he just uncovered, trying to touch every bit of heated skin.  
He gently rubbed one of Obi-Wan's nipples and let go of his lips, pressing his mouth against Obi-Wan's neck instead.

“Lay back”, he whispered against the skin he just sucked at. And Obi-Wan laid back. His hands rested lazily on Anakin's knees as the boy continued sucking and biting and licking his skin, trailing slowly down, leaving kisses and red marks all over Obi-Wan's chest.

Obi-Wan didn't even notice there was blood dripping out while he was biting his lips to fight back moans and gasps.  
He wasn't able to stop other little noises of pleasure escaping his mouth.

Anakin's hands found their way down to Obi-Wan's trousers, slowly brushing over the sensitive skin right above the waistband. He reached up to kiss his master's mouth one last time. Then he crawled back a bit, down from Obi-Wan's hips, to settle between his legs instead, after carefully shifting them apart.

He settled some kisses on Obi-Wan's hip bones and abdomen while opening the trousers and drawing them down as far as possible.

Anakin pulled back to gaze at the revealed sight. Looking down between Obi-Wan's legs he smiled, and he wondered why they couldn't have done that earlier.

Obi-Wan tried to not think about the fact that he was lying naked in front of his young padawan, who seemed to be incredibly happy about the situation. He tried not to think about what the Jedi would say if they knew about this. Especially he tried not to think about what would happen next. He shouldn't approve this, and yet he did. More even – He enjoyed it.

A warm hand ran over the bit of thigh that was uncovered, and he shivered under the touch. It trailed further upwards, finally reaching his penis and brushed slightly over it.  
Anakin bowed down again, and hot breath covered sensitive skin.

“Anakin”, Obi-Wan gasped out, causing Anakin to smile again, and his hand began stroking slowly over hot skin.

“Obi-Wan.” His answer was just as quiet and just as driven by lust.

 

Lips closing around pounding flesh. A tongue exploring sweet skin. Fingers running through curly hair.  
Obi-Wan moaning, not able to hold back anymore.  
Anakin moving his head, hands touching sensitive skin, wet mouth giving pleasure to a needy master.  
Teeth and tongue and damp lips.  
Hot saliva and sweet joy.

 

Everything seemed to happen at the same time, and all was blurring in Obi-Wan's memories.  
He could only remember finally coming into Anakin's mouth. Screaming his name between clenched teeth.  
Anakin kissing him the last time, asking if this was good. Him nodding. Anakin smiling and telling him he wouldn't mind doing this more often.  
Him asking if he shouldn't return the pleasance. Anakin's 'Sure, master. But not today'.  
Them both lying together, cuddling on his cloak next to the dying fire.  
Anakin falling asleep in his arms.  
And himself falling asleep only minutes later.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm probably going to rewrite the end but maybe I'm not.


End file.
